I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
