I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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