you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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