I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
