PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
