so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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