yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
