...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
