Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
