i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
