i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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