Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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