his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
