It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
