i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
as a side note pls kill me
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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