booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
