I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
