in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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