drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
