I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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