just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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