I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
