i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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