but the lizard people decide everything anyway
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
