we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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