Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
