How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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