So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
