you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I deserve to be covered in dicks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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