no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
