PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
