I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
