Dual....:-)
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
