loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
