Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
