I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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