I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
