I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
