I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
