I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I need to sanitize my soul.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
