She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
