masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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