if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
