I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
