I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
