i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
