Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize