I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
