apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
