you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
