She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
