If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
