Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
