it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
