If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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