It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
