I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Randomize
