flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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