My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
