What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
