While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
